Reflections

As I sit and ponder on the last Sunday of the year 2009, I realise so much happened this year. AS the year unfolds one doesn't even imagine the impact it leave on ones life as it passes by. Today while sitting in the sun and watching my fish play around in their pond, I saw my reflection in the water and realised so much had happened this year. For one my reflection has big acne scars! Now that's new story for the year 2009 : )

Some of the few landmark stuff that happened ( in random order) this year was

1. Birth of Omkar Singh Lidder
2. Having my first fish pond
3. Virgin Atlantic's landmark flight on Bio fuel that I witnessed at LHR
4. The stock market crashing. Thank God I had no investments : )
5. Living with the in laws is a mixed bag of sweets. Some times sweet n at times sour.
6. K and my friendship falling apart after 17 years
7. Me finding a confidant and elder sis in Baba
8. While I learnt not to fall apart, my industry nearly did
9. D dealing with the worst yr in her marriage.
10. Last but not the least, My father retiring from the Armed forces.

After all these major changes, I realise that my life will never be the same. Some changes were forced on us, some we had been preparing for a few years and some just happened out of the blue. All in all the year was action packed.

Although its been a mad mad year, I look forward to bringing in 2009 with great gusto and verve. Change is the only constant they say and I so agree. I resent change as much as I look forward to it. Sometimes change is thrust on us and sometimes we crave for it. I am so glad life takes its own turns. I know many times I would have been too lazy to make my life take those turns. When friendships and relationships fall apart, one is so unhappy and resents the ugliness that goes behind it. But, then a rotting friendship that comes to an end also leaves behind space for a new and exciting relationship to blossom. Old Flowers welt and through their decomposition new ones come out.

I don't know what the new year holds for me, but I do hope when it does unravel it self I am well dressed for it ; ) As they say life happens to you when u least expect it. Seed for thought?!

Christmas Season Jolly

Its the festive Season and every one is in brilliant mood. The markets are all lit up, people are shopping, parties are being held, families are getting together. I agree we just need an excuse to get together in today's time when all are so busy. What keeps us so busy?? Why do we need an excuse to be Happy and Jolly?

Well I am busy getting up in the morning, rushing to work, in spite of the rushing amazingly I am ALWAYS late!! Once in office one is going through the humdrum of the day. I usually leave for home around 6ish. Sometimes I meet my parents on my way home. Other times I might stop at the grocery shop to pick up stuff. Once home you get mangled into household chores. At best I take out some time to talk to a few close friends on the phone. I don't even remember last when a few girlfriends got together to have fun (Now days we usually meet to sob our hearts out) Then its dinner time and a bit of TV watching...next morning the grind begins ...again and again and again!

That's my excuse for NOT taking the responsibility for having a better life. My LIFE is my excuse for NOT LIVING. What is yours??

In times like this I think holidays like Diwali, Holi and Xmas force us to take time out to be with the ones we love. Sad but true. One needs to be told to jump off the hectic wheel of NOTHINGNESS that just keeps going round and round, to meet with the ones we love.

I am so glad centuries back a few wise people instituted these traditions that we are so bound by. I grew up hating these traditions and today I am MOST thankful for them. For if it wasn't for them we wouldn't be forced to take time out to thank people who matter the most. With the holidays we are forced to reflect and tell them that we love and care for them. I for one am really thankful for all the wonderful people who have touched my life and shaped it for the better.

So I must give a big shout out to Devjani, Roohie, Chetan, Hiten, Baba, Neeri, Rachita, Charubala and Tiks. Thanks for bringing different vibes into my life with your friendships. Most of you have been givers and some of you have been takers. But, ALL of you have made me take time off from the wheel of life and CHILL. All in all thanks to you guys I have a balance in my life.

Another round of shout out to my peeps at work. You guys have bought immense joy and fun into my life. You are Young and Vibrant. Most of you stand for hope and I much admire all of you. So here is a holla for Kanika, Aastha, Chirag, Diwakar and Varun the newbie.

Last and not the least a BIG shout out for my better half. You have stood the test of time with me. We have come a long way on the rocky terrain of life and we still have miles to go. Thank you for being my partner. I love you.

With that dear all, wish you the best in this festive season and super holidays! Please go ahead and spread the Joy amongst your family and friends. That my dear, needs NO seed for thought!!

Broken

Things are rough
and all is not well
Your heart is broken
this pain never seems to end
Your love has forsaken you
and its just plain hell

You were meant to be together
this is not how it was supposed to end
Love is supposed to go on
and never really end
its supposed to shine bright
and show us the light
till we burn bright

One hand your mother and on the other your lover
who do you chose?
for you meant well
I feel sad for you my friend
this journey as you might sense
is filled with hardships
no one else can ease it, as well

Its Karma I felt
the moment you left KL
I will be there for you dear friend
but the road will be lonely
Its going to be only you in the end.

I watch helplessly

as I see you shatter

into a million small pieces

and tears will flow freely

For that's how love always end..

Till we pick up the pieces and

new love compels...

Brunch

Today I went for an awesome Brunch to Olive Beach. Beautiful day, good company, lovely food and unlimited Martinis. It was absolutely brilliant! What a super way to star the holiday season I thought. I have been alcohol free for many years now, a few shandy here and there or a glass of wine maybe. But, today was an exception. I downed 6 different martinis (chocotini was my favourite!) till my drinks were falling all over the place. It got me thinking to why I had given up this social activity of drinking? Was it that I did not enjoy being out of control??

My first absolute alcohol fuelled session was in my early 20's and for the next few years I had a blast. It was great fun to drink and go out and party. Every one seemed so nice and friendly. Especially when it came to alcohol. I used to always notice how boys would jump up to get you a drink as soon as your glass got over. Luckily for me I have never really had many of these total binge out sessions. Being in some what kinda control was always very important.

Around year 2000 I got sick of it all and gave up drinking for good. Slowly all the parties seemed so boring. I was always getting into arguments with people who were drunk. They would annoy me no end. Especially those who insisted it wasn't a party till I drank. I mean, hello, I don't want to drink. As simple as that..so please mind your drinking business and leave me alone.

Why is that we need alcohol to get along??! If I don't like you with a drink, chances of me liking you after a drink are highly unlikely. Rather its more likely that I will tell you how boring or annoying you are after a drink or two.

Now I drink once in a while when I am in good company. To me now its all about the company.I like to drink with people who I know I like when I am sober. Today was one of those days. I had a brilliant time with people I know I enjoy hanging out with. Drinking with them only made the afternoon more fun.

I wish I did these social brunches more often. But, then is it the drinks that makes me like the company or the company that makes me like my drink?? Seed for thought??

Glam

Whats a girl without make, right?! Well, I grew up with great fascination for all things colourful and bright. During my high school days I used to wear bright blue mascara, Lakme Kajal...that's it. I wasn't allowed to wear make at all. My family would go nuts if I did, nor did I have the inclination back then. During college I graduated to wearing eyeliners and eye shadows. Still no lipsticks. Don't know why but its only when I was doing my MBA that I started wearing lipsticks. Those were the days of buying really nice Red, Burgundy, Brown etc Apple lip liner pencils. I graduated to pencils but stayed away from hard core make up like foundation, blush etc.

I think it also had a lot to do with money. Its only when I started earning that I bought a foundation, that too I hardly ever used. In 1999 I moved to Washington DC and that's where my life changed for ever! I still remember walking around malls for hours and hours just amazed with the number of make up brands that existed! Here I grew up only with Lakme' and Tips and Toes. What fun it was to explore hundreds of make up and skin care products.

Its from there my love for make up started and lets say that love now borders on insanity. I think I spend a lot of my hard earned money on makeup which will eventually ruin my skin. But I don't care, my dear. That lovely Burgundy eyeliner, nude lipstick, peach blusher, navy blue mascara...I can go on and on!!

Currently I am suffering from a terrible bout of acne and it is this wonderful invention of make up that has stopped me from having a total nervous breakdown. I just slap on some wonderful foundation and concealer from MAC and all is fine in paradise!!

My favourite makeup is created by MAC. Its smooth, doesn't have any odour or fragrance in it. The products are state of the art, edgy and beautiful! I love the fact that they give back to society with the Viva Glam lipstick sale. It speaks volumes to me as a consumer that MAC takes up causes like AIDS that require immense funding. Or maybe its just an excuse for me to buy my next Viva Glam : )

My favourite look is dark eyes, really really dark eyes and nude lipstick(refer to the pic above). Though I think in this festive season one should reverse it with light eyes and nice bright Red lipstick. I think this Christmas Santa will be bringing me some Make up from MAC : )

Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art

Seed for thought??

Rats

Why is that leaders are so inept at handling people. How can you lead people if you can't connect to them in the first place?! If you don't know what I do how can you advise me on what not to do??

The corporate world is full of people many who have reached the right place coz they were apple polishing at the right time. I know I am a square peg in a round hole. I worked to get where I have and I will be damned to have any favours sent my way. I can't be bothered with brown nosing. Yes, I do believe in being nice to my boss and team. Who wants to be working in a hostile environment. Unfortunately for me the world doesn't think the same way.

Frankly, in my 12 odd years of working I have not had even ONE boss who has taught me my job. I learnt on my own, trial and error, trial and error and trial and error. All the trial and errors have been mine...burning the mid night lamp to know what brand building was all about. There has been no one who has really said talk like this, sit like this, write like this, negotiated like this...strangely I have almost ALWAYS has very insecure bosses who have only felt a tad threatened.

To me its really sad. I hand hold my teams enough till I can see them walk on their own. Their brilliance of lack of it has never been personal. Its just that some have been eager beavers and some have been lazy lumps.

I think there are far too many insecure people out there. They are just not right for the jobs. Most of them SUCK at leading as they are so busy looking over their shoulder, shit scared in case some one will take over. Very rarely one finds leaders that are looking ahead. These people have built strong teams that trust and value the leaders. They watch their boss's back while they lead.

Every year, thousands and thousands of people join the rat race, most of them are just that ...RATS!! They reproduce their own kind at an alarming rate. The "YES SIR " mentality is bred slowly but surly. I see so many unhappy people, its scary at times. Half of them lose their will to survive and suffer major quarter life and mid life crisis.

Mostly people think, when I will get that next position/promotion I will be better at what I do. No, if you are insecure now and can't do your job, chances of you screwing up in the next level are very high. Be a damn good trainee or executive and chances are you will be right on top a few years later! Mind you not only will you be there, you will also be where you want to be at YOUR terms!

Leadership is an action, not a position. Donald H. McGannon

Seed for thought?

Vixen

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative- Oscar Wilde

I can wake up in the morning feeling like a street ally cat dragged me in, open my wardrobe, put a look together...and boy, am I ready to conquer the world!!!

To me its never been about fashion or what look is in. Its always been about how comfortable I am with the clothes and accessories. I know I can't do backless blouses, so I don't. No point wrapping my self in the pallu of my sari coz I am too conscious of the blouse I am wearing.

Judge me as you want, call me a bad human being, bossy boss, terrible cook so on and so forth...BUT don't ever tell me I can't put a look together!

I think I am a gleeful customer on whom the fashion houses live on. I love pushing the envelope, dressing up or for that matter, dressing down. Its all about that careless look that has been shamelessly put together.

Being a woman in The Corporate world can be very confusing for many. Should they be baring their cleavages to get their male colleagues to lust after them? That cleavage show can get that job, easy promotion, lazy deadlines and many a drinks in the evening. Then there are women who are thinking should they dress up like men and blend in. These women dress like men, talk like men and of course abuse like men. If they can abuse in hindi, even better!

Both of these extremes are LOSERS. The cleavage bearers want respect after a few years of putting it all out there and have no chance of getting it. Honey, if he ain't repecting his wife by hanging out with you, you think there a wee bit chance of him respecting you?!

The women who confuse them selves to be men are ball busters. They run the risk of being rejected by both men and women as they clearly don't fit in anywhere. Men are too unnerved by them and women can't identify with them.

I don't dress provocatively at work coz if I wanted to be a slut I would have filled in for "that" position and not done an MBA. Nor will I talk like a man, dress like a man and pretend to scratch my non existent balls! I am WOMAN, thank you very much and absolutely enjoy being one.

Wear pink, yellow or red on a day when you are down. It will immediately brighten your mood. The colours will reflect on your face and brighten it. All the tiredness will visibly disappear. On a day you are feeling bright and chirpy, try wearing blue, black and white coz your body language and mood will uplift the colours you are wearing. Grey and brown should be worn with bright coloured accessories, bight shoes, belts, bags or scarfs will do. A brown outfit with a yellow bag is my favourite.

Ladies, last but not the least, remember stop dressing for the men, especially your man. If you do, then the power is still in their hands to make you feel good, their approval will really matter. He is in a bad mood and tells you your dress is revealing, its only gonna screw your mood. Instead have the confidence to wear that you want. KNOW its not about how he thinks you are looking, its about how you think of your self. If you think you are looking bad, then you probably are! Don't ask people as they will only lie to get out an uncomfortable position.

On that happy note, I end. The VIXEN will be back with many such notes ; )

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening. Seed for thought?

Aamchi Mumbai

The memory of the Mumbai terror attacks still make me shiver. Just the thought of the heinous act by these wayward youth makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I know a lot has been said about the Taj Mahal Palace & Towers being the icon of Mumbai etc. I don't know about the others, my first memory of Bombay was the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus. I landed there in 1992 on a train from Pune. I still remember the excitement as it was my first ever trip to this absolutely FAB city. I had gone to meet my mother's younger sister, who lived in Colaba with her family.

Being an Army kid who mostly travelled in trains, I had learn the art of judging the city by just looking at the railway station. The railway station always gave you a good idea about the city you have landed in. This railway station ROCKED...I KNEW Bombay was gonna rock too.

With this trip my romance with South Bombay started. I would often hang at Cafe Mondegar and Leopold Cafe with friends and family. My dad and I would drive down from Pune to Navy Nagar in Colaba. While dad would go to office, I would roam the streets of Colaba Causeway. Then a few years later I moved to Pune to do my MBA. My trips to Bombay increased. But, the excitement of going to Bombay never changed.

My first job with Trikaya Grey in 1997 got me to stay at 4 bungalows for a few months. I remember the trainee gang would make plans to go to Fashion Street and end the evening with a movie at Regal. We would be packed like sardines in the 1st class coach of the local trains. Every week end we would find our way to Town( South Bombay is popularly called that)

For me Bombay always stood for South Bombay.

A few years later my boyfriend moved base to Mumbai. He went on to live there for 3 years. The city was witness to our long distance romance and many mid night trips to Marine drive. It was here that we decided to get married.

From 2004 onwards my trips to Mumbai ( as SADLY the city was no more Bombay) became very frequent. We were launching our flights from Mumbai to London and I was in charge of the launch. The one week launch activities were hosted out of Taj Mahal and Place. 13 years after my first visit to Mumbai, I actually entered the formidable building for the first time and made it my second home for the next 6 months.

My colleague form UK and I had our rooms booked at the heritage part of Taj. All our meetings, recces, plans were hatched near the swimming pools over copious glasses of Mango Lassi. Richard Branson stayed at the Heritage Rajasthan room during the launch. What a glorious launch it was. It was considered one of the best launches within the Network (or so they said!). Although I never really did get comfortable in the very stuffy environment of Taj, a drink at Leopold was far more welcome than a drink at Starboard the bar at Taj.

Not only did we launch our route from South Mumbai, we also took an office right on Marine drive. A few blocks away from the Oberoi's. A few business lunches were had there as well.

To me South Mumbai has been second home for past many a years. I am there every month. I always stay at Gordon House, right behind Taj. Its a small boutique hotel that makes me feel very much at home. Apart from the fact that they treat me like family, it also houses Stir Fry, my super fav Chinese restaurant. Rather the first thing I did after I heard about the attacks in Taj, was to speak with the Manager Neil at Gordon House. He was on leave and had come back to work the night after the attacks, he felt his moral responsibility was with his people and guests of the hotel. He walked right into the whole horror drama as he cared.

Not only do I spend time with my friends and colleagues in Mumbai. I also have my god daughter living a few building away from my office. Very rarely do I feel the need to venture to the suburbs.

How can I not feel the terrible horror of the attacks. It feels like my home was attacked while I was away. All I could do was hopelessly watch from afar and only feel very angry and frustrated. Angry for I think Mumbaikars are a very friendly and easy going bunch. Frustrated with the cowardice of the terrorists for killing unarmed civilians who were just going about their life.

Will my Mumbai ever be the same?!! Should we even forget what happened if we want to make a better tomorrow??! Is this the end of the horror that we all witnessed or a start of a even more ruthless tomorrow? Seed for thought.

Love that lost its Lustre

Anyone who knows me...knows that I am Daddy's gal. He has been my role model since childhood. I loved everything that he stood for. He was fearless, impulsive, independent, gutsy, charming, honest, straightforward, un bias, well spoken and very well read. There is no topic under the sun that one can't discuss with my dad. In short he is amazing. I didn't really grow with a female role model. My mother had a close relationship with my brother and that surprisingly was OK with me, it really didn't matter. You see I had inherited my fathers independent spirit, hence I really couldn't deal with too many emotions that came with motherhood

Having said that, in the end of my teenage years I did get a very strong influence of women. Some of them over the years have become part of my sisterhood, some were great pals and remain so. I did also manage to get some mother figures. I was my best friends mother and the other was my boyfriend (now husbands) mother. These women were fun and exciting. Like my best friends mother loved dressing us, telling us wot to wear, which shampoo to use, which boyfriend should stick and which should go. She was good looking, vibrant, full of life and most importantly, she played fair. I liked that about her a LOT. It agreed with my sense of justice that I was born with.

My boyfriends mother had the same qualities. She was very fair and just. I really liked how she handled different relationships within the family. I also admired how she seemed to play fair between me and her very dominant and complicated daughter.

Apart from Anna, my mother, both these women also really influenced me through my 20's. I had my father who always brought that sense of balance in my life. He would push to me my limits and surprisingly I came out unscathed and right on top. For him I guess I was one of the two boys he had.

Now in my early 30's I realise so much has changed. I look at both the women and can't recognise them. They have shed the veil that so thinly covered the real side. I see them for what they are. Its not pretty. Its not pretty to see my best friends mother so harshly reject the love of her life and chose one for her instead, lead her life for her, constantly remind her of her faults, play with her self esteem...she pretty much drove this young vibrant girl to have a nervous breakdown. I look at her and wonder what really happened to that wonderful woman and mother I admired. The other one is constantly lying and manipulating. I see that her daughter is who she is because the mother has made her so. What happened to this lady who gave such a wonderful son to me as my life partner? Sadly today I can't find a shred of honesty in our relationship or any other relationship she has with people in the family. What happened to this woman who I thought was so perfect??

I think motherhood happened to them. Motherhood as not about selfless love. Its much more complicated than I had ever imagined it to be. I can see its so easy for my father to play his role...but mothers struggle like crazy. The selfless love they give to their kids in their 20's, they ask for their pound of flesh back in their 50's. Has life jaded them and beaten them into submission??!! Are we seeing our future in them? Is this how we will end up...bitter and angry with the world?! Resentful that the children have a life of their own?

Is that why motherhood eludes me, for now I see it without its beautiful veil? Seed for thought I say!

All Right

"Everything is going to be all right"

I think this phase is helped millions of people in life. When I was in school, even the smallest bad incident felt like an earth shattering experience. Anna ( my mum) would always hug me tight and say " Everything is going to be all right". At that point it just felt like she was making me feel better about life. At that very minute nothing felt right. It was absolutely next to impossible that everything is going to be all right. Life was to come to a screeching halt. It was all over, I could now not face the world...ever!

Today, when I look back and think about the million hurts both emotional and physical one has had in life. There are both physical and emotional scars to bare, as a proof to show my time on earth. I have survived terrible teachers, backbiting friends, lousy mean relatives, jealous colleagues, nasty human beings who are just plain bitter, terrible disappointments in love and relationships, and also have been pretty unwell. There have been days when I have just not felt like getting out of bed. That is when I have often heard "Everything is going to be all right". Hundreds of people have said that to me at different times in life...it seems everyone had that confidence in me, but how was it all to ever get all right??

I look back and reflect, how wise was my mother who has FIRST said those words to me. For in spite is all, I have survived...in body, mind and soul. I have such lust for life and nothing can keep me down for too long. My eye was always on the Rainbow and not the Clouds.

There is so much I have forgotten and there is still stuff left to forget. By and by one forgets. Some fools your forget and some you forgive. This is life, there are bound to be hiccups. Life is going to make us SWEAT.

Even if my world comes shattering down, I NOW know, one day Everything is going to be all right!! Does everything get alright or it that we learn to forget, Seed for thought?!

Memories

My childhood memories are full of you
They are warm and sweet.
For I know we were not meant to be
I am still so happy that you happened to me.

You were a kind, loving soul
who protected me.
I thought you were THE boy
who saw deep within me.

Those sweet sleepless nights
and shy school dances.
I remember them all
and it still makes me smile sweetly

Life has moved on
and we have our families
we love them dearly
and that's plain to see

You were a loving boy
that was then obvious to see
I hope you are even a better man
and love your wife and kids dearly

For "we" are the past
and our today's are different than what we thought it would be
We have taken different paths
and the twain shall never meet

For I know we were not meant to be
I am still so happy you happened to me!

Forget

We have short memories

very short indeed

9 years back the same men were at Kargil

dying at our borders

leaving their families bereft.

The country thought they were the best!

For we saw the bravado

and much was said in press

We PROMISED to honour our men

these men in uniform who protect us

and allow us to sleep so well.

Well, here we are 9 years later

there were much protest

from the men in uniform

coz they were not paid so well

what did you do dear citizens

did u even care?

not one article i read that said

give these men their dues

as they have truly bled

Bled for our nation

bled for our people

they just bled and bled

Most of you didn't care.

We have short memories

and we often forget!!