Saturday, August 28, 2010

Kill It

Fear cannot take what you do not give it. Hmm.. true that!

Fear overcomes fear. I have lived a life full of fear for a while. I grew up a very fearless girl...rather I could do anything that a boy could do, only better. As a kid I learnt to cycle on my own...no one taught me, held my cycle, saved me from falling etc. I knew no fear! Then why did a failing relationship bind me down so bad that all I could feel was fear. I often think about it now...as I conquer all these new found fears, one by one.

For a kid who could spend a long time in the cupboard hiding to win a game of hide and seek, today I can barely get into an elevator alone. Strange as for years I worked on the 8th floor of a building and never gave it a thought. Just as my life was falling apart one day I got stuck in the elevator for not more than a minute, the longest minute of my life I may add. The next thing you know I started getting panic attacks on stepping into a elevator alone or even a flight or any closed space. It became so bad that I actually ran out of a movie halls when the lights went off. No one including my parents could get this strange phenomenon taking over my life....FEAR!!!

The other fear I developed was of driving. I drove a kinetic for a few years and never gave driving a second thought. Cut to a few years later I just could not get my self to drive a car. So as a 20 something I had a driver to ferry me around. I just could not understand why I would freeze every time I got behind the wheel. Another unfounded fear...another thing that was binding me down.

So the first thing I did after moving out was to sort the damn fears. Though I have to admit, I did a HUGE support of friends and family. So one fine day I sacked my driver and got behind the wheel. No driving classes...nothing! Just plain ol good sense and drove to work. Needless to say I could barely stand once I reached work, my legs were shaking!!! But I did it...I kicking my fucking fear hard.

Today I am driving all over and my aim is to drive to the hills. Fear is a coward my friends. I think sometimes the fear of loss opens us up to attract more fear. Its like mind goes weak as one fear is spreading like cancer and the next thing you know all other cancerous fears start taking over. Reclaim you life... reclaim those fearless years. I know for me it helped me face my fears. I looked deep into fears eyes till it looked away. I starved it. I refused to feed my fear with more fear. One by one its dying. I am enjoying every bit of killing it. I know I am still work in progress...and get there I will.

The best gift I gave my self was to fight back fear. I took it by surprise, just when it got all cozy and warm in my being. I am so glad I am driving around...singing along loudly with songs on FM, on my way to work every morning. Some times in my rear view mirror I see the girl who learnt to cycle on her own at age 5 and I wave to her and she gives me the thumbs up.

Its within us to choose to be fearful of the dark or have deep fear of the light. Choose your path carefully. A Seed for Though for the ones who choose fear of light

2 comments:

krunal said...

somebody said "courage is not absense of fear, it's the belief that something is more important than fear." it's a very deep meaning. think over it.

Nisha Sara-Rain said...

Thought-provoking and as usual, beautifully expressed. The best way to deal with fear, is to look it in the eye, shake hands with it and say, "All right buddy, it's time for you to move on." :)