Saturday, October 23, 2010
Turn Turn Turn
My life has taken a turn...a turn that I don't at times have the intelligence or foresight to comprehend.
I didn't think I would be here...its so so so much better. No more feeling unwanted...unloved. I seem to have got life back into me. I am living again.
Yet there is sadness...years back I had ticked that box of a life partner. I would never be alone again. I am back at that same point...and this time there is no box to tick. Yes, I know I know a lot of you out there say that there is hope...and who knows tomorrow. Yadi yadi ya. Its not that. Its just that the goal post have changed.
I will never be that beautiful young girl again... you have no idea how gorgeous I looked at my wedding. Looking back I can say that I have never looked that beautiful as I did that day. No, been there and done that. Its time to now look at life in another way. Achieve other life goals.
I found my ex cheating on me for the 100th time in Goa and that is where it was over for good. While I caught him in the act, right next to us were sitting this couple, Childhood friend of my ex. His wife was having trouble conceiving and I could totally understand how she felt as I was going through the same. Well, anyways I bumped into her yesterday with her 6 month old son. How time has flown...here she is with a baby that all but a conversation a few years back and me, well, I have made peace with the fact (with much mental turmoil I admit) that I will never have that chance in my life.
So much one goes through...and yet there is so much life still left to live. All I know that during the festival time I feel a bit sad. I hope one day I will be over it, stop feeling sorry for my self. I hope one day when Karva chauth is round the corner I am strong enough to stay and face it and not run away.
I hope one day I understand how beautifully life tuned for me.