Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Answers

If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you. Eliot 

In the past few days I have been bombarded with questions, loads of personal questions that I may never have any answers to. I am going to reflect on 2 of them.

While in Pune I bumped into a ex batch mate. We go back 15 years or more. She was dating a very dear friend of mine who she later went on to marry. They have had a very messy divorce after nearly a decade of marriage. She had heard about me through grapevine and was very curious as expected. Needless to say I thoroughly disappointed her with no drama or bitter rantings. Next day she sent me a long mail on Facebook with all the things my friend had done to her. At first I thought I will ignore it but realized it was just a way for a woman who is angry with destiny, just as I was not very long back. She needed to vent. So I let her. What followed was a few days of furious mails filling my in-box. All I could tell her was move on and let him go...from your heart and soul. She asked me again and again as to why I did not fight for an alimony and let him go easy. Hmmm...let him go easy.

I though a lot about that statement. "Let him go easy". Well, I let him in my life easy...I didn't fight him. Rather I invited him into my life with open arms...so when the time had come for him to leave my life why would I think that let him not go easy. So I would have fought for an alimony and made him feel miserable for what he had done to our relationship. I would make him feel all important in the beginning of every month that I STILL need the man...like hell I would. We both were batch mates at our MBA class. Am I going to make him believe that I need his money as I can't do better than him. No people...Small Miracle is slogging as we speak. I am so going to leave him way behind in this race that he is of no consequence to me.

I don't know what is right or wrong way to do this..but I do know that I will do it my way. Not the way the society expects me to. I believe there is a GOD and I am not going to do his job. I can't be wasting my time trying to bring nik to justice when I can spend that time rebuilding my life. What he did was wrong...very wrong, and yes he will pay like all of us will for our wrong doings. It just wont be me bringing him to justice, I leave that to my very efficient god. At his own time...

 A few days back I met another friend. A very concerned mature male friend. His question to me was "what if this one is a cheater too". Well, that got me thinking...yes, what if this one is a cheater too. I will never know now, will I? My friend might be right, he says that I didn't know I was being cheated on for years, living under the same roof. How will I ever know now??

No I will never know, I am very dumb like that. I take people for who they make me believe they are. Especially in the matters of the heart. NO I MIGHT NEVER KNOW. But what I do know is that now onwards I will not be spending years of my life putting wrong to right. Been there, done that and Failed miserably! If ain't working, don't try to fix it beyond a point and always remember the directions to the door :)

I live in hope that there are good, decent, honest, loving men out there...I hope to remain a person who is hopeful.

Why is it so difficult to let go of people who hurt us so damn much and yet find it difficult to trust the ones who show us love?? A Seed for thought my dear friends...

4 comments:

Picassocelico said...

I absolutely loved this post of yours! I just randomly came across your blog and stopped to read .... and think... seed for thought definitely make one think! you write from your heart ... loved reading it... Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings :)

Small Miracle said...

Hello Picasso celico, thank you for reading and taking time out to leave ur thoughts. Keep visiting :)

Mandeo said...

after i read this post , u sound so ssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd... i feel sorry for the one person ur with right now coz its actually u whos cheating on him...

Small Miracle said...

mandeo...you might be right. there are times i do feel for the man coz he get me with my baggage...i do feel so sad about that! But what i do promise is a heart full of love and affection!!