Sunday, April 12, 2009


The other day some one asked me what is your idea of a Man. Lets be clear here, its not about a "Perfect" man as no such thing exists. No one is and should be perfect. Our allure and charm lies in those small imperfections that we have. That's what makes us stand apart in the crowd. Perfection would be so boring. Every snowflake is different. Every snowflake is beautiful. These different snowflakes come together and form breathtaking glaciers.

Why are we constantly obsessing about what an ideal man should be. There is no ideal. What could be ideal today could be totally a mismatch tomorrow. Its situational. Some one's reaction to one thing could be ideal and a reaction over something else could be utterly wrong!!

Surprisingly when ever you do ask some one about their ideal mate the usual responses are almost always physical. Ladies will FIRST say "I like my man to be tall, short, dark, fair, deep voice, muscular, skinny, clear skin, black hair, brown eyes etc etc". Then the women will most likely say "I would like him to make me laugh...he should be funny, he should be entertaining etc". Then will come the last bit which is " he should be deep and intense or sporty and outdoorsy or nerdy and bookish."

Then once we have the physical aspect put together, the entertainment part taken care of and lastly a loose characterisation of nature.... the women go hunting. Please note by now she has a rough sketch of THE man in her head. For example, THE man is tall, fair, clear skinned, muscular, intense AND yet my lord he makes me laugh! Now these very traits will take me through life. We don't care much about the person he is UNDERNEATH. Rather we never really care to explore the person as long as the list is matched and all boxes ticked off.

I shall be happy as a Lady bug on a sunflower for I have found my phantom match. He is a mystery to me but I don't really care. That's how mad most of us women are.

Come on this how it goes?!! THIS is how a mate is found?!! How the hell is an intense man going to make you laugh...ever thought about that woman??! How is his masculinity going to help you feel better when you are sad and depressed?! What will his fair skin do for you when you need some one to stand by you in your tough time and he is no where in sight??

Over the years my idea of A Man (NOT THE man) has changed. I am thinking my wish list would go like this...
  1. Someone who appreciates my flaws. Its easy to love anyone strengths

  2. I earn my living. I don't need your money. I can buy my self anything I wish. I CAN buy YOU anything you wish. I can't buy Love and Loyalty.

  3. I need togetherness and sharing. If I can't touch your laptop, phone, be part of your social networking site then maybe you don't understand what togetherness is.

  4. I know how to give space. I also know the difference between giving space and living in two different continents. My MBA does help me decipher such things.

  5. Honesty is non negotiable.

  6. Until or unless you and I agree on an "open relationship or marriage" chances are that I will expect loyalty. I don't understand why you would want to be with everyone else WHILE you are with confuses me!!

  7. I want you to stand by me STRONG. Life is tough. Its gonna challenge us. I will be annoying, needy, weak, weepy, insecure and then there will be the days I will be the DIVA, strong, successful, confident. You have got to be able to handle all the avatars.
  8. There will be days when I will need you to be my net that I can fall into and you better know that I have a spine of steel that can carry any burden for you. You cant pick and choose when you will be there for me and when you wont. YOU HAVE GOTTA BE THERE ALWAYS.

  9. I don't know how you look. I guess it doesn't matter. Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston. Did it make her pain less coz he is the worlds best looking Dude?? I think not. Handsome is what handsome does.
  10. Like all women I look absolutely scary in the morning...can you love that?? Never agree with me when I say I am looking fat, ugly, terrible...NEVER ; )

Have you noticed that the most important decision we take in life of finding a mate is based purely on the physical aspects. While to buy something as basic as a car, we go showroom to showroom looking at various cars, we test drive them, check the colour, see the engine, compare the mileage with other cars. Looks is just one aspect of the whole package of buying the car. We don't settle for anything but the best within our means, needs and desires.

Do we NEED a mate or should we WANT a mate?!! Seed for thought for those who don't know better...


I Wear It Like A Tattoo said...

im using this list as a template for my own life..its important that i do
i need the person im with to accept that im a nutcase who goes hysterical every now and then...
i wish someone wuld find it endearing and jus get used to it!

aah the ideal one! wher is the ideal one hiding

Small Miracle said...

Tattoo boy, lets NOT make that mistake of findin the IDEAL one. Therein lies the problem...coz that leads to insane n unrealistic expectations...

chirag said...

Looks are easy. How about men being born with tags: with everything on a 10 scale big a liar unfaithful selfish arrogant non-empathetic morose derisive

With all of us being emotional and love being what love is, maybe this helps.

But then, imagine all humans being ranked and how complicated it will be to choose a mate! I think taking a chance is all we should resort to. Atleast we'll have something to blame: chance.

Small Miracle said...

Cheeru, I LOVE this...a debate. Yep, I agree with you. Lets not ever forget to take a chance in life. Lets not get bitter about the chances that went wrong. Lets not stop living.

But, for the time being I am sticking to my list...just for now...

Deepak said...

With notions we move around looking for our mate,,believe you me,,it'd better if we listen to our heart,,everything is dynamic - except what our heart has to say

Small Miracle said...

Our heart is the must Fu@#$d up piece of equipment!!